What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Last Updated: 02.07.2025 18:36

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

(And it was in our own minds.)

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Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

I was very sick at this time too.

I was scared of men, in general

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She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

I couldn’t, believe it.

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Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

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I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

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I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

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I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

This is soul school!.

Why do narcissists want to hurt your feelings, even after they discard you?

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Ive learnt so much.

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Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

So whats the point in blame.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

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You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

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As i do to all so called friends.?

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

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I know ,a lot about trauma.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

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We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

He knew the spot.

She wouldn,t have been !

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I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Would this be the day?

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

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Especially a lifetime of it.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

I never cut or harmed myself..

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

I did it because my mum asked me too!

My mum and dad in the seventies!

And i lived it daily.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

She found it foreign!.

Who then, do I blame.?

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

All the time i was locked up.

Was to survive, this bastard.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

Put me off passion for life!!

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

I don,t even have a pension.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

She was in good health!

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

I think the readers, may guess!

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

But it wasn’t much.

We were not on the streets..

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

She married twice! .

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

I could never make a relationship work though!

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

But ive been too sick for many years..

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Im still living with it.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

He resisted the act ,that day.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

I was 9 years of age.

I write beautiful poetry .

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

One cannot live in the past .

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

She loved him until the end.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

My life is so biszare .

What did i know ?

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

So, i spoilt her more .

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

Comes on , in middle age.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

My family never makes their pension either.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

But, we were locked up after school.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

I had hoped to write a book about this .

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

I have no regrets .

When she asked me how she looked .

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

I will be 64.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Why did i forgive my father ?

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

I was seconnd youngest,

It was going to be , some day.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

I waited trembling.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

We all went to grammer schools

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

I said to her

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .